you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
