yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
