Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Found the puke drawer
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
my liver is dry heaving
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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