Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
