somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
