so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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