as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
