So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
you would pick up someone in the library
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
