At least make sure they are 18
Why
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
