I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
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I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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