Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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