I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
