just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I think I sprained my soul last night
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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