Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
