Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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