Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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