Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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