dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Be still, my beating vagina.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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