Rock
Scissors
Fuck
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
