weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Randomize