And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
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I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
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You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
COCAINE IS GR8
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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