Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
