My brain says no but my pants say off.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
