Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
