Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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