I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
