I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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