I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
