I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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