i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
