I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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