yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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