they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
this must be what syphilis tastes like
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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