yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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