that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
