Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize