you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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