Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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