i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
