She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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