I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
