I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
NoShamevember. You game?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
