I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
