mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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