I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
