Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
