After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Randomize
