Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
