Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
