The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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