My first STD was from a foam party
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
