my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
