We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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