We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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