tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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