You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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