The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Randomize
