I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
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