Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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