5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
