meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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