Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
