hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
