I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
