You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
vagina is talking i cant
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
