Your mouth is God's brothel.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
