i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
he puts the penis in happiness.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Randomize
