hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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