never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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