if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
