oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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